Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Wednesday Five: Bomb Threats

This is finals week for my three college age students. This means my living room has become a study hall, I make high protein breakfasts (sausage, eggs, cheese, chocolate high protein breakfast drinks—my kids are skinny), and I wait by the phone. Not to hear how the exams went, but to find out if anyone needs to be picked up because of a bomb threat.

Yes, really. For the third time this semester, there was a bomb threat at the university my kids attend. Luke was just starting a final. Five or six main buildings (and some parking lots) were shut down. Thankfully, his professor found a room in a “safe building” where they could finish the exam. Everyone else had to have their finals re-scheduled.

The police, fire department, ATF/Homeland Security (?), etc., all descend and have to spend hours certifying the safety of the building(s). It’s a huge, unnecessary expense to the tax payer. As if the city doesn’t have enough financial problems what with antiquated drainage system that get them fined by the EPA every time it rains.

So if you’re a would-be bomb threatener (I know, they aren’t likely to be reading my blog, but…), here are five thoughts to consider:

1.   Uh, dude, if you have to call in a bomb threat to miss an exam so you can have more time to study, another day isn't likely to make a difference.

2.      Really ticked off ATF agents. You don’t want them after you.

3.      Two Words. Federal Offense. Punishable by ten years in prison or a $250,000 fine. Or both. (And this applies to juveniles, so don’t get your kid brother to do it.)

4.      Your parents will be mortified. And poor—see above. Because I’m guessing you don’t have $250,000 sitting around.

5.      Public flogging. Just kidding. Though this is the South, so you might have to wear a pink vest that says, “Bomb Threatener. I cost the City of Chattanooga thousands of dollars.”* That would not go over well.

* (This is not unlikely given that drunk drivers have to wear vests that say “I am a drunk driver” when they clean up trash on the side of the interstate. We have very clean highways.)

Yesterday, my author copies of Winter Wonders came in the mail. Here’s a photo.


  1. That is just AWFUL! I like your list of comments for any dastardly bomb threateners who just might happen to be reading your blog, but it's horrendous that anyone would ever even consider doing something so stupid. FOUR of 'em? Yipes.

  2. Unbelievable! I hope all were able to take their tests safely and that their concentration wasn't completely jarred.