Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Loose Ends

The cold from Hades is still with me, though in an attenuated form. I can now think in complete sentences and can remember most of what the kids tell me. Though I still give them permission for all kinds of bizarre things—like playing Wii for no good reason. They’re going to be so sad when I’m back to my healthy “mean” self.

Since I’m a bit better, I attacked the ironing pile, which had “been fruitful and multiplied.” Normally, it’s Calvin’s clothes that doubled, but this time it’s Matt and Jacob’s. How many dress pants can two young teen boys wear? Because I only missed one week’s ironing, you’d think that the biggest number possible be would be four. But after six pairs, I stopped counting. I’m pretty sure that don’t even own that many pairs. The only explanation is ironing bin procreation.
I know some of you are wondering how long the single black sock lay in the middle of the floor. Not as long as I had anticipated. One unnamed Keller came and picked up the sock and said, “I read about this on your blog.” In between sneezes and hacking coughs, I said, “You mean you’ve walked over it multiple times and never noticed?” The Keller-who-will-not-be-named said, “Yes.”

This getting-work-done-by-mentioning-it-in-your-blog has some real possibilities. I’m not sure why this appears to be so effective. Is it peer pressure (my kids’ friends read my blog), the removal of blinders-based ignorance, or public humiliation? But in either case, the end result is the removal of the sock. This opens whole avenues of exploration. Imagine posting, “Person X’s room looks like ground zero,” and then later that day the room would like something out of House and Garden. Blogging may be the 21st century’s answer to nagging—except that it works! Yep, this opens all kind of new avenues. But then, I might be vulnerable to matricide—Matt and Jacob have been reading the Orestia, where Orestes murders his mother Clytemnestra because she murdered his father. I know the circumstances are different, but I can see public humiliation and murder being the same in the teenage mind. Maybe I’ll wait on posting about messy rooms, or maybe not…Bwahaha.

If you could imagine my laughter in the last sentence, you can easily hear the laughter the homeowner’s insurance agent made when Calvin asked if the heater circuit board was covered by our policy (see previous blog entries). The agent laughed derisively, “Of course, the heater’s not covered—it was flood damage.” Well, duh. Apparently, homeowner’s insurance is like health insurance—it’s great unless you have to use it.

But we’re thankful for the heater, especially now that it’s been so cold. It’s been in the teens even during the day. We’ve had snow too. Yesterday, there were big fat flakes like cotton balls that danced on the blustery winds. Today, the flakes are small and fluttery. And since the sun is shining, they look like glitter in the air.

Well, I’m beginning to ramble—I put down to sinus headache and too many bags of cough drops, so I’m going to end now that I’ve tied up all the loose ends in a neat bow.


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  2. You see what happens when you don't have your daughter proof-read your post? Lots of typos! I am also pretty sure that "that don't even own that many pairs." However I'm not sure I agree that they don't even own that many pairs :)

    BTW, I'm afraid that no amount of posts on how my room looks like it must be situated in Tornado Alley will cause my room to suddenly look like it came out of Homes and Gardens. Sorry, but nope. I'll settle for being able to place both feet on the ground at the same time...

    ~Ariel (aka Person X)

  3. Hey, keep posting blackmail material!! I need it if I want Jacob to continue being my slave!

    We're also getting snow. We used to live in Florida, so this is a Winter Wonderland for us.