Five Things I've Learned

In the last six months, I’ve spent a lot of time in doctor’s offices and hospitals. Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. Bring a snack. Bring your patience. And bring a Kindle full of books. Our longest wait was 90 minutes past the appointment time. And then, the insurance billed for an extra-long appointment when we only saw the doctor for 10 minutes max.

2. Layers of clothing. Some rooms are sweltering. Others are icy. One nurse greeted us with blankets and said, “It’s freezing down here and we have no control over the thermostat.” I was thankful I wasn’t the one in a cotton gown.

3. Go to graduate school in math. All the doctors oooh and aaah when they find a patient doing math in grad school—they treat you like they are caring for a brain trust. No one cares when you have a degree in English.

4. University Hospital Parking. Don’t bother looking for a space in level one or two or even six—it’s not worth the time. Head straight for the roof. Be patient with people in front of you who haven’t learned this rule and so waste fifteen minutes meandering through the parking structure while a line of ten cars stretches out behind them. (Also find out who’s the architect for these things and demand that they make it possible to jet straight to the top.)

5. Maintain a well-controlled sense of humor. The doctors and nurses aren’t out to get you—that’s the insurance company’s job. And when you call the insurance company and talk to a rep who says, “I’m so sorry. But I want you to know that we aren’t evil,” don’t laugh.

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

Is It Friday Yet?

This is one of those weeks where it’s only Wednesday, but it feels like Friday.

It started Sunday night when Luke complained he didn’t feel well. And I should’ve known this was a bad sign. Luke never complains. But everyone went to bed.

On Monday morning Luke woke up in pain, right lower quadrant abdominal pain. The pain was bad enough that he was very pale (Luke has dark almond-colored skin). Then he said he didn’t think he could go to class—in four years of college I don’t think he’s ever missed a class. He always goes, sick or not.

We took Luke to the doctor who thought it might be appendicitis. And he ordered a CT scan, which the insurance company denied. The hospital told us they gave no reason for the denial. So Cal began making phone calls. Interestingly enough, the insurance company hires another company to make denials, etc. No doubt this is to cover them when they get sued. After lots of phone calls, some person told Cal that Luke was denied because his doctor didn’t order enough tests. Yes, you heard that right, Luke’s doctor only ordered a CT of the pelvis and they thought he needed a CT of the abdomen too. So they denied all services. (Of course, they didn’t give the hospital or the doctor this information.)

By now, it’s after hours on Monday, and Luke’s still in a lot of pain. So Cal called the after-hours doctor, who said he’d be happy to talk to Blue Cross/Blue Shield authorization. He’d had experience with them denying the same procedure before. He said they stall you because if you have to go to ER, where they’ll cover the CT, you have to pay a higher deductible. (No wonder Mr. Incredible couldn’t stand working for an insurance company.)

To make a long story short, Luke got the CT and it turned out that he doesn’t have appendicitis. The doctor has no idea what’s wrong. We’re just hoping and praying that whatever’s wrong passes soon—the current theory is a virus with spasmodic “thingies.” Luke still has a low grade fever and stomach pains, though they’re much more bearable.

And just in time, now our internet is down. I’ve got it jerry-rigged so I can post this. It’s going to be a long week. And I have a writing deadline looming. I’m beginning to think all of October will be shorter than this week.

Beans or Craisins

My husband and I are “at that age.” We both feel young (but aren’t). I have hopes one day of running a marathon. I’ve always wanted to and sort of have—it was a marathon walk to raise money for the March of Dimes and I ran it instead of walking. But it doesn’t really count. And my husband always wanted to do a triathlon, but spinal stenosis put a crimp in that.

So we’re feeling young and healthy—well, except for the stenosis. But there’s one aspect of age we haven’t escaped, one that exercise can’t help. Aging eyes. Both of us need reading glasses. BTW, “reading” glasses is a misnomer. I do need them for reading, but I also need them for everything else. Yesterday my daughter and I were in line together for food at our church potluck. As we were passing through the salad selection, I pointed out a salad to my daughter and asked, “Uh, I don’t have my glasses. Is that a bean salad?” My daughter laughed. “No, Mom, that’s apples and craisins.” Oh, right.

And then there’s the inevitable grocery shopping trips where I peer at labels that I can’t read. Then, I say to my husband, “Hey, you have glasses on. What does this say?” He squints and shrugs. “These are my driving glasses. You know, for distance.” Then I squint at him, “Oh, right.”

I say, “You should wear your bifocals.”

He says, “You should wear your reading glasses.”

Me: “I’ve misplaced them.” (Just so you know, I have five or six pairs scattered through the house.)

I need to get one of those glasses tethers. The kind that librarians wear. Okay, true confessions, I’ve actually bought a couple. The really cute beaded one got caught in my hair and made a rat’s nest and the base of my neck. It had to cut out. The fabric and plastic one I bought broke—I took the tether off the glasses too many times because I didn’t want the librarian look when I went out.

Oh, and by the way, those cute reading glasses, the ones that are hip (if reading glasses can be hip) and come in attractive colors and shapes, they don’t fit me. Women’s reading glasses squish my temples and give me migraines. Apparently, my head is larger than most women’s heads. (Thank you, northern European ancestry.) So I wear the extremely attractive men’s reading glasses with clunky black frames.

Here’s what I’m thinking. I’m going to buy some Dumbledore half-moon reading glasses and create a trend. Reading glasses—the new hip accessory.

So you’d better get your pair now so you can be a trendsetter, just like me. 

Don't Take the Ambulance

It’s a little late, but Happy New Year. I’d planned to post on Monday, but I was at the hospital Sunday night through Monday morning with an elderly family member who is fine now.

I did learn one very important thing Sunday night. Don’t take the ambulance. When we called 911, the fire fighters arrived first. They were courteous, eager to help, and professional. Then the EMS people came. Actually, they didn’t. We waited and waited and waited. (The fire fighters were volunteers, who were home with their families, got the call, met at the station, and came out. So a chunk of time was involved.) And still we waited for the ambulance. Turns out that they got lost. M’kay...this does not bode well.

My relative needed to be carried to the stretcher. EMS1 told the fire fighters to help his partner—he didn’t want to get dirty. His partner EMS2 was not happy, and yelled. (The fire fighters picked up the patient without rolling their eyes. Very impressive.)

EMS1 mumbled that he needed to check the patient’s blood glucose, but he couldn’t find his glucometer. He checked every cupboard in the ambulance. But it wasn’t there. He asked the fire fighters if he can borrow theirs. They told him that they don’t carry one. (I’m not sure why he thought they would—fires don’t usually need their glucose levels monitored.)

I was asked to ride in the ambulance because my relative doesn’t speak English very well anymore. That was fine. Then, EMS2 asked the fire fighters if she could follow them, so she wouldn’t get lost. The fire fighters said, “Okay.”

On the drive, the ambulance driver EMS2 picked up her cellphone and made a phone call. EMS1 rebuked her—they could get in a lot of trouble for that. EMS1 got hot and turned on the air conditioning. My relative complained that she was very cold. I told the EMS guy, who put a thin blanket on her. It didn’t help. After I told EMS1 three times that she was very cold, he finally sighed and turned off the AC. Then my relative complained of nausea. EMS1 handed me a barf bag and told me to take care of her—he didn’t like vomit. At this point, I considered advising him to find a new job. But I didn’t.

Thankfully, we made it to the hospital. Though things didn’t fair much better there. While my relative did receive very good medical care at the hospital, they lost her glasses, hearing aids, dentures, and medications (all things that they told us we had to leave with my relative when she was admitted).

The morale of the story is don’t call the ambulance, get someone to drive you to the hospital. Okay, that’s probably not wise. I’m sure that most EMS workers are conscientious, knowledgeable, and competent. Here’s a better morale: If the ambulance takes more than thirty minutes to show up, it’s probably better if you don’t wait any longer and drive yourself.

Nutraceuticals

I don’t often wander through the nutraceuticals* section of the grocery store or pharmacy (mostly because the stuff is way too expensive and the results are too sketchy), but I was looking through a Costco coupon book and came upon the ads for nutraceuticals.

Now the ads don’t make a lot of health claims, though there is the “Green Tea Fat Burner” that clearly seems to be making a claim. But there are some really odd ones out there. There’s “Grape Seed.” Um, couldn’t I just eat grapes and chew the seeds? And “Cranberries.” I’ve got those in my freezer.

What about CoQ10—it sounds like a French chicken dish. Don’t forget Acai Berry Cleanse. I’m not sure what that’s supposed to be, except there’s a picture of a woman’s stomach on the front. So it’s some kind of intestinal gut soap? I thought that many kinds of intestinal bacteria were good and made important things like vitamin K.

What about “CinSulin?” That sounds like something you’d hear preached against on Sunday mornings. My favorite was “Flush-Free Niacin.” Would you really want to put something like that in your mouth? Eew.

I’m sure I’ve stepped on some toes. (I don't mean to--if they help your health, great). Nutraceuticals are big business in the US and a lot of people swear by them. But it seems to me that you could be taking a LOT of these things. I counted 26 different supplements, and those are the ones on sale.  (Okay, I don’t need “Prostate Health” because I haven’t got one of those.) But it seems to me that a balanced diet and exercise would be a cheaper, more proven route to health.

On the other hand, my fingernails are still recovering from the paint/lacquer stripper I used on the bathroom doors. Maybe I need to try “Hair, Skin & Nails,” which is probably a modern version of Knox gelatin that teenage girls used to drink/eat to make their nails stronger. I never tried it; flavorless jello would never make it past my gag reflex.

*Note a “nutraceutical” is a combination of the words “nutrition” and “pharmaceutical.” It’s a food or food-based supplement that is supposed to bring health or medical benefits.