Monday, July 22, 2013

Disappearing Garden

Just so I’m clear I do not grow a garden for the neighborhood. Wait, that’s not quite true. Across from our home is a retirement facility and I do grow lots of flowers partly for them. There’s nothing more wonderful than having an elderly man or woman stop by the house and thank me for the flowers they see when they drive home or look out the window.

But I don’t grow veggies and fruit for the neighborhood. First, it was strawberries that went missing. And I blamed it on the squirrels and our dog—Jez is partial to strawberries. Then, when the raspberries came into season, I wrapped them with netting and securely fastened it. But when I went to pick the raspberries, there wasn’t a single berry left. Now it’s the tomatoes. When I went out to pick the first tomatoes of the season, nothing was there. And they weren’t any signs of animal picking and eating, no broken branches, no claw marks, etc.

So I’m beginning to wonder if it’s not the squirrels. I’m wondering if the thief has two legs instead of four. And I’m compiling a list of how to stop the thief.

1. I could leave our black Lab outside at night. Nothing scarier than seeing a pair of caramel colored eyes bearing down on you in the darkness. But Jezebel would be very sad if she couldn’t cuddle up on her blanket and sleep.

2. We bought a lock for the gate, but we actually would have to remember to lock it at night. And the tomatoes aren’t in the locked area anyway.

3. I could put up a sign saying “This garden is protected by tarantulas.” (It works for a jewelry store in NYC.) Of course, I’d actually have to have tarantulas. Not that I’d mind, but Ariel would have a fit.

4. Or maybe just a sign that says “Please don’t steal our food”… Nope. I think the tarantula thing is way more exciting--I’ve heard they hiss.

File:Araña Toro, Macrotheles Calpeiana.jpg
Photo by Rafael Cerpa, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.


  1. If not the bunnies and the woodchucks, then it could be the human kind. Next thing to try would be razor wire. Just kidding.

  2. You know, you do have plenty of airsoft guns lying around that house. . .

  3. That's downright lousy. Sorry. With all the rain we've had this summer, we're getting more tomatoes than we can eat, so I've been giving them away like crazy. Once upon a time, I would've chained myself to the stove and done a boatload of canning, but I simply don't wanta do that any more.

  4. Spy cameras nowadays are cheap. Just aim one and hook it up to your computer. That way, you can at least know what you're dealing with.

    People in vampire novel tried that, but the vampires don't show up on camera anymore than they do in mirrors.

  5. That sucks if someone is stealing your veggies and fruits! What the heck! I really could have done without the tarantula pic though. :P Maybe you could get those realistic rubber ones and put them around. Those fake owls work on rodents; fake spiders might work on thieves!