Grammar Snobs Unite

If you’ve been reading my blog, you know I’m looking for part-time, from-home work. Much easier said than done.

I’ve had a good nibble, and I’m waiting to see whether the big fish bites. In the meantime, I keep applying. I heard back from another company the other day. The email told me I was being considered for a position. They explained I’d need to pass two tests first. (This is pretty standard.) I continued reading the email. It went on to tell me how much they pay per hour. (Twelve year old babysitters make more. Not a joke. I recently got an email looking for a reputable teenage babysitter, so I know how much they make.) The company’s email went on to tell me that if I had a PhD, I could make $2 more per hour—the wage someone was willing to pay a babysitter.

The email ended by saying I needed to hurry because the tests were due on June 11 and they were eager to hire for fall of 2012.

Um, yeah. A friend suggested that the email was the real test and I ought to correct it and send it back.

But the whole thing got me to thinking. Honestly, people don’t seem to care much about written communication anymore. Not a day goes by where I don’t see an error in a sign, newspaper, or book. (There’s an interstate sign in my city that drives me crazy because it has an abbreviation error. And don’t even get me started on mail that arrives addressed to the “Keller’s.” Really? Singular possessive?!)  I’m beginning to feel the urge to start carrying a red Sharpie on a string around my neck. The problem is I don’t think I’ll be able to limit myself to correcting only mail, newspapers, and books. Pretty soon, you’re going to read that Connie Keller was arrested for propping a twenty foot ladder in a lane of traffic on Interstate 24 so she could correct a sign. No doubt, all my grammar Nazi friends will rally to support me. It might not be a big group. But our signs will all be spelled correctly.

Stump a Grammar Snob, Hyphens

Before I self-published a book, I was very confident in my grammar and spelling. Yep, I knew my stuff. But when it was time to put my baby out there for the world, I learned some humility. No one knows all the rules. And those who think they do, really don’t.

And, I’m sure you know this, not everyone agrees. But I’m not talking stuff like Oxford commas. I’m talking more esoteric grammar. BTW, if you are not a grammar fanatic, you should probably stop reading now. You’ll be bored silly. But if nothing gives you greater delight than learning some obscure grammar rule, read on, baby, this one’s for you.

Hyphens. This rule should be pretty straightforward. Right? Just look up any word in the dictionary and you’ll know if the word is hyphenated. Easy-peasy. But what about hyphens and compound modifiers? If they come before the noun, hyphenated them. If they come after the noun, don’t. Also easy. But what if it’s an adverb-adjective combo like “freshly cut grass.” Hyphen or no hyphen?

After exhaustive research, most (though not all) experts agree that you use a hyphen. Except, with –ly adverbs preceding adjectives that together precede nouns. In other words, “freshly cut grass,” not freshly-cut grass. BTW, the Chicago Manual of Style says the reason we don’t use a hyphen there is “ambiguity is virtually impossible.” Of course.

Now you know.

Stump a Grammar Snob

I’m not much of a normal collector. I don’t have a hundred salt and pepper shaker sets. Or ceramic figurines. Or stuffed animals.

But I do like words and grammar. I have several thesauri, multiple dictionaries (even two that are identical—that particular dictionary is my favorite, so I have to have a backup), and I have scads of grammar books, everything from the Chicago Manual of Style to Grammar Snobs are Great Big Meanies: A Guide to Language for Fun and Spite.

And I read them for fun. (Okay, I see you out there—you read them for fun too. Raise your hands. Now we’ll all sing “Kumba Ya.” Just kidding.) I also read phone books for fun. But that’s another story.

Anyway, Grammar Snobs is a sort of layman’s guide book to zingers for dealing with grammar snobs. Okay, I’ll admit to being a grammar snob. But only in dealing with my kids when they were little. “May asks for permission. Can refers to native ability. Say ‘May I have a candy bar.’” (Though my kids will probably mutter that neither usage got them a candy bar.)

In any case, I found a delightful tidbit in Grammar Snobs. One that almost everyone gets wrong. Are you ready? What is the shortened form of the word until? Think.

Are you one hundred percent sure? Okay. The shortened form of the word until is till. Yeah, I know. No one uses it correctly. Go look it up in your dictionary. I did and was shocked. I thought it was ’til. I know the rule that says when you abbreviate something (anything), you use an apostrophe to mark the spot where the letters have been removed. I thought it was a carved-in-stone-never-to-be-altered rule. But there’s an exception. 

What makes it even weirder is that the abbreviation for until is the same as the word that means “to plow the soil.”

So now you have it. A new party game. Stump your grammar snob friends.

BTW, I’m now off to do a global search of my novel for the errant ’til. Just in case.

And here's a link to the book on Amazon if you can't wait to get your hands on another grammar book.