Because Chemists Have a Sense of Humor

Yep, the James Bond figure is holding a beaker.

  My son Matthew did undergraduate research this summer in quantitative analysis, a branch of chemistry. (Yep, another Keller chemist. We love our chemists.) One research students came up with a design to celebrate their summer research and the university gave each student a shirt. It's so cool, I wish I had majored in chemistry.

Holiday Weekend: Reading, Writing, and Tiki Torches

This holiday weekend everyone in our family is doing some of what they need to do and some of what they love best.

I'm cleaning house (definitely not what I love best), writing (almost done with the first edit of my second Southern noir), and reading.

To the right is the novel I'm currently reading. I've read two of Ms. Steven's Vanessa Michael Monroe thrillers and had to read the book that started it all. So far, I'm loving it. Next up, The Martian by Andy Weir.

One of my sons is studying (hopefully) and playing Counter-Strike.

The other son is studying quantitative analysis. And during his study break, he decided to make a tiki torch. (Chemistry majors frequently feel the urge to make things burn or explode.) See below.



Kind of looks like a Molotov cocktail.

Chemistry, Black Holes, and Taxes for Writers

At least once a week, I wish that I wrote scifi or thrillers. Those are the days when my son comes home from lab with a story to tell. Yesterday, it was “Hey, in lab I separated mirror molecules and used them to bend light.” Or, “Did you know that all you have to do is mix X with Y and you’ll get the most amazing explosion?”

It seems to me that there ought to be websites that authors can peruse like Explosive Chemistry for Writers wherein a chemist lists all the household chemicals that can be mixed together to provide explosions—a la MacGyver or Burn Notice (though I’m told that those writers could use such a website too). Or what about Theoretical Physics for SciFi Writers. And there could be discussions of black hole firewalls (yes, this is a real thing), event horizons, and paradoxes. Of course, I think theoretical physics is mostly math and I can’t think of many writers who’d want Math for Writers. Unless it’s Tax Math for Writers. Doesn’t that sound great? All you have to do is plug in expenses and remittance information and voila Tax Math for Writers would print out proper tax paperwork.

Speaking of Tax Math, April is coming. Eleven months out of the year, I hope and pray for great sales. And then there’s one month where I hope my sales aren’t amazing. Tax time. I guess there is a time and season for everything.

Illustration by 420Ainsley, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Boom!

Ever since I can remember, my kids have liked the idea of things blowing up.

When Jacob was two, I found him playing in the kitchen with matches, and I asked him what he was doing. He said, “Making a bomb.”

 I thought this would pass. I was wrong.

Now my kids watch Brainiac: Science Abuse. (I’ve learned that thermite is very cool.) And the Slo-Mo Guys.

I’ve learned about the Chemistry Dept. picnic where one professor’s claim to fame is a very dangerous mixture of Mentos, soda and his mouth. And I thought tying a cherry stem into a knot in my mouth was a cool party trick. (Seriously, the Mentos/soda thing is very dangerous. Do not try it.)

My son Luke who’s in his senior year of a BS in chemistry had a giddy look on his face the other day. I asked him what was up. He told me he was doing Grignard reactions. They’re exothermic and have the potential to go “boom.”

Yesterday, Luke and Jacob were discussing engineering. Jacob is a freshman in college studying engineering. The subject came around to nuclear engineering. My daughter Ariel sighed happily and said, “Nuclear engineering uses partial differential equations.” I said, “And?” Her eyes lit up. “You know, oscillations nearing infinity…well, boom!”

Even my daughter likes “Boom!”…okay, I like booms too. I get giddy in thunderstorms. And my dad’s been known to go tornado chasing. I once got a phone call from him when he was hiding under an interstate overpass, watching a tornado. So I guess the kids come by it naturally.

BTW, if you aren’t familiar with Brainiac or thermite, this is for you.

The Eccentrics

Last week, Cal and I went to the Chemistry Awards Banquet. Luke was receiving some awards and invited us to come. (Actually, we heard from someone else that he was getting awards and insisted on coming. But he was glad to have us come.) If you’ve never been to a get-together with a bunch of chemists, let’s just say it was an experience. We met interesting people.

First, we met girl who’s Luke’s physical chemistry lab partner. She was pretty normally dressed except for the Spock ears that were decorated with a big silk flower that matched her dress. She was very sweet. There was the guy in the white sport coat with a very fancy camera taking pictures of everything and everyone. I asked Luke if he was the official photographer. Luke said, “No. He just likes taking pictures.”

At the dinner, we sat at a table with a couple of professors and their wives. As we got to know each other, they asked about our other kids. And they found out that Ariel is a junior majoring in math, that Jacob will be starting college in the fall majoring in engineering. Luke added that he’s grooming Matthew to be a chem major. Luke’s prof told Luke that he gets a finder’s fee if he convinces Matthew to major in chemistry. Then, of course, the profs wanted to know what Cal and I studied in college. We told them—English Lit and Sociology. They blinked. A long pause ensued. Then, a throat was cleared and one of the wives said, “Um, I guess it must be in the genes somewhere.” Yep, must be. At that point, everyone ate their cake.

After the meal, the awards were given out, and Luke received several awards, which was very fun for us. Then, they announced a scholarship and called Luke’s name. His head jerked up. He didn’t know he was getting a scholarship. That was even more fun. And it was weird/fun hearing Luke’s professor talk about him. Weird because it’s a complete stranger who knows our son so well. And he discussed Luke’s research habits. I remember the words “the most persistent” being used. We see that personality trait at home too, but we called it “stubborn as a mule.” But, apparently it’s a good thing in the lab.

On the way home, Cal said, “I had a great time, but I’m not sure that I’ve ever met a group of more eccentric people.” I agreed. But now we understand why Luke used to meticulously organize his sock drawer when he was two years old. He was born a chemist. We just didn’t know it yet.

Hydrocarbons and Costumes

Three of our kids are going to a costume party tonight. They’ve been working on their costumes. Jake’s going as a pirate, complete with eye patch, earring, and hook. Ariel is going as Medusa. She has a lovely Greek gown and is wearing snakes in her hair. Luke vacillated between the Grim Reaper, a Shakespeare character, or Harry Potter. He decided on Harry Potter. (I’ll try to remember to take pictures.)



For part of Luke’s ensemble, he got a metal clothes hanger and started transforming it into glasses. We all told him that it was going to look stupid. He told us to be patient. By last evening, the glasses looked really good. Ariel and I told Luke that we could paint a scar on his forehead with makeup. He scowled. Ten minutes later, Luke said, “Tada.” He had a lovely “scar” on his forehead. Ariel and I examined it closely. I said, “What did you use to draw this scar?” Luke said, “A Sharpie.” In unison, Ariel and I yelled, “No! You’ll never be able to get that off.” Luke’s forehead wrinkled. “Of course, I can get it off. Sharpie ink is hydrocarbon-based. All I need is a hydrocarbon-based solvent.” We dared him to take it off.


Luke left the room and came back sans Sharpie scar. Apparently, rubbing alcohol took it right off. Ariel and I are still suspicious. We’ll see if he ends up going to church on Sunday with the scar still cutting across his forehead.

The Dangers of Boredom

I’ve always heard that it’s dangerous to let a child get bored. I have discovered that a bored child will try to cut off his finger with a wire snips. A bored child will paint black tiger stripes on his face that will not come off before Sunday church service. And a bored child will take fish out of the fish tank so they can watch television with him. It’s best to prevent boredom in children.

But children aren’t the only who succumb to boredom. It is the bane of chemists too. I’ve wondered how come I’ve known so many chemists in my lifetime. In our small church we have a scary percentage of the congregation that are chemists, chemistry professors, or chemistry majors. A bored chemist can curl your hair, literally. One chemist friend got bored in grad school and burned off his eyelashes and eyebrows. Unintentionally, of course.


Blowing up things is also extremely popular. One of Luke’s profs got bored and blew up a lake. I guess it’s one way to make the sky rain fish. Unfortunately, the police got involved.

Luke, our chemistry major son, is a teaching assistant in a chem lab, which was recently re-opened after being gutted. One day the prof and Luke got bored. They realized that they’d never tried the new eyewash/shower. (If you a non-science person, it’s the place you go when things explode and your eyelashes, eyebrows, and clothing begin burning off.) Anyway, Luke and his prof decided they had to make sure eyewash/shower functioned properly. Besides they were interested in how the new piping worked. So they pulled the cord. The water coursed through the pipes and spat out the valves and onto the floor. At which point, they discovered that the floor didn’t have a drain. Not long afterwards they discovered a mop and were no longer bored. I’m hopeful they stay very busy for the rest of the year. Perhaps they should study English. English majors/profs are never bored—there are always more books to read.