Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Ten Things I Hate About Not Having AC

1. Sweat. I’ve discovered that you have sweat glands everywhere. Enough said.

2. Air. The air doesn’t just get hot. It gets fetid. The humidity becomes thick and sluggish. And you begin smelling odd odors that turn your stomach. And you wonder—okay, maybe you don’t—but I wonder if there’s ever been a murder in the house because things smell like rotting bodies.

3. Sleeping. Sharing a bedroom with lots of people. We’re all crammed into one bedroom because the wall air conditioner cools only one room. We don’t have any snorers, but I’m a very light sleeper. Every wheeze, deep breath, and flutter of a sheet wakes me up.

4. AF. Now I have to listen to Artemis Fowl when I go to bed at night. Don’t get me wrong, I loved most of the AF books. But I don’t like to listen to them when I fall asleep. Matt and Jake do. They both have difficulty sleeping so they listen to books on tape until they fall asleep. It might work for me too, except that they keep the volume low and it sounds like the buzz of a persistent fly.

5. Irritability. As air conditioning dependent people, we haven’t learned the sanctifying art of dealing with the heat. Instead of developing patience, we tend to scowl and gripe. Jacob believes in the sanctifying effect of playing Wii all day to prevent snappishness. I don’t. Like I said—irritablitiy.

6. Fluids. I drink tea by the gallon full. For example, it’s 9 am and I’ve already had three glasses of iced tea. Thankfully, I don’t like mine sweet or I’d need insulin by the end of the day. Time to buy stock in Lipton.

7. Housework. No one wants to do housework. It’s not like anyone normally wants to do housework, but now you’d think I was asking them to gouge out their eyes.

8. Cooking. Turning on a stove or an oven seems like sacrilege. On the other hand, the guys don’t think that gazpacho is a complete meal.

9. Dog. Our dog wears a thick black coat year round. Not bad in the winter. Miserable in the summer. More miserable without AC. So Jezebel sleeps in our bedroom. But Jezebel thinks that we should get up when the sun is up. The sun gets up really early down here in Chattanooga, and after a night of Artemis Fowl followed by waking every half an hour when someone coughs or rolls over...well, you get the idea—Jez and I do not agree about the time to get up in the morning.

10. Waiting. The worst thing is waiting by the phone for the AC guys to call and tell you what day they might be able to show up and replace the AC. (It’s almost as bad as waiting to hear back from a literary agent who asked for a full submission of your latest novel. Almost as bad. But not quite.)

News Flash: the AC guys finally called. They can be here on...Friday. I'm telling myself that a week without AC is no biggie. But I'm having a hard time believing it. 


  1. Invest in some floor fans. If you place them strategically at intervals pointing away from the wall AC, they do a pretty decent job of spreading the cool air. And even if they aren't carrying the cool air, oscillating fans at least move the warm air around so it isn't quite so fetid. Trust me, it will make this week without AC much more bearable.

    Also, invest in a really good pair of earplugs for sleeping! And shave the dog!

    OK, maybe not shave the dog. But earplugs and floor fans, definitely.

  2. Oough.. That sounds horrid. Do you guys take turns venturing outside of the room and into the heat of the outerhouse? :D

  3. Ick...I've been a cheapskate about having our air conditioning on, but at least it's on sometimes! Not having any is the worst--so hot and muggy--and as they say, it's not the's the humidity. When it comes to houses, I fully agree!

  4. I LOVE heat. My husband would sleep on a bed of ice if he could. CUTE BLOG :)

  5. Ugh! That must be aweful. I live in AZ, so I can sympathize with your heat issues. At least the AC guy didn't say he "couldn't come" until July 10th!

  6. Hmmm...#2 has me puzzled. Just how many rotting bodies have you smelled in your life? :>)

    Maybe the heat in your house is burning up all of your imps and after Friday you'll have an Imp-Free Life!

  7. I'm guessing it's probably about the same temperature-wise there as it is here in the Atlanta area, so all I can say is ... you poor things. Hope that tech has you guys sucking in cool dry air asap. (In this part of the country, air conditioning isn't a luxury; it's a necessity.)

  8. As I started to comment, I started typing, "That feels awful" instead of "sounds awful," but it's true. I remember being AC-less in tropical Taiwan in the summer. Thankfully, we had it in the dorm rooms, but there were stretches of time at the internship where we were not in ACed places (because we were working in warehouses), and I cannot deal with humidity.

    I also spent a record high heatwave month completely AC-less at home because we were getting central air. As such, we had to take out the two wall units we had, and the central air installation kept getting delayed, resulting in our spending the hottest month of that year in SoCal (it was like 90-some degrees at night) without AC. My sister resorted to sleeping on the kitchen floor at one point because it's tiled. But SoCal heat is dry desert heat, so it's more bearable.

    All of this to say, I sympathize so much and I hope the AC guys get there early Friday and fix it up fast!!! Until then, FANS and lots of icy treats/drinks.

  9. Yikes! That sounds horrible! I hope the AC guys stick to their word.

  10. I'm sorry you're sweltering! I wish we could take some of your weather. =) It's cold-ish in L.A.

  11. I feel your pain, hope the A/C gets fixed soon:)

  12. Hi! (I'm back from my trip) Hoping that you don't melt while waiting for the AC guys! *sends a bucket of ice*