Friday, May 10, 2013

Everything's Funny at 5 AM

At 5 am, our alarm went off. I wished I could turn it off. But Cal and I are getting up early as part of my I-don’t-want-to-get-a-migraine-in-Paris plan. I get migraines from flashing lights (read movie theaters and television), weird barometric pressure changes, and sleep disturbances. Since Paris is a six hour time difference and we’re arriving in Paris at midnight our time—6 am Paris time, I’m guessing my body will register that as a sleep cycle disturbance.

So the alarm went off. Normally, classical music plays since the clock radio is set to the classical station. (I know, very old tech. I’ve had this clock since high school.) And we hear Bach, Mozart, et al. But at 5 am things are different. 5 am is opera hour.

At 5 am, some throaty German woman (it was German not Italian) greeted me. She sang this minor, discordant music. I wanted to turn it off, but then I’d never have gotten up. It was painful. Finally, Cal began to translate.

Cal (in a mournful voice): Oh, I am so sad. You uncaring dirtbag. Why, oh why, did you leave me? I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I am so very, very sad.

Cal’s voice took on an edge, mimicking the singer’s: I am angry. I didn’t deserve this. I will burn down your house.

At this point, I begin to giggle. After all, everything’s funny at 5 am.

The singer’s voice turns nasty. Cal’s translates: Not only will I burn your house down. I will kill you. Yes, that’s what I will do.

The song ends. The announcer comes on and says, “That was composer (some obscure German name) and his composition “Princess Lullaby.”

That was a German lullaby? Hmm. You know, that explains a lot.

File:Opera singer by Alfred Schmidt.jpg
Public domain art, courtesy of Wikimedia.


  1. Your husband sounds like a delight. The only way my hubby would be capable of intelligent conversation and humor at 5AM is if he got up at 4AM.

  2. I didn't know Dad knew that much German.