Monday, April 27, 2009

The Enigmatic Anemia Puddle

Imagine me carrying a overfilled basket of laundry through the house, and stepping into a puddle of water on the hardwood floor. I put down the laundry to examine the puddle. I’m now in detective mode. I like of think of myself as Lord Peter Wimsey or Inspector Alleyn, but they’re men… Why aren’t there any uber-cool, romantic-figure detectives who are women? Maybe I can be the first. At any rate, I examine the puddle. Is this the result of a new leak? Did the roofers rip us off…and the attic is full of rainwater, which will bring the ceiling down on our heads? I look up at the 10 foot high plaster ceilings—no water stains. Good.

But where did the water come from? Did some lazy child (not one of mine who always say, “I am eager to play computer, Mother, but first I need to see if you need any help”) spill and walk away, rationalizing, “It’s just water, it’ll dry?” That could be. But my kids aren’t big water drinkers—they’d rather have milk. (Soda is a once a month treat at our house. Yes, I’m cruel and unusual.)

Ah. It hits me. There is a third option. Our dog Jezebel loves ice cubes. (I know you were thinking she piddled, but you’re wrong) Perhaps one of the kids gave her an ice cube, and she spit it out. She’s been known to do that when the ice makes her tongue too cold. And then, the cube melted into the puddle.

I wipe the water with a clean towel, which now becomes dirty. But, why does the dog like ice cubes? It can’t be the coolness. She lazes the day away on an air conditioning vent. Is Jez anemic? I know that when I get anemic I chew ice cubes. That and my fingernails peel. Do dogs get anemia? Or maybe the whole ice thing is a ploy. Maybe Jez wants me to think she’s anemic so she can get bloody beef in her bowl instead of Pedigree puppy food.

Sorry, Jez, think again. If there’s any beef in the house, it’s going on the grill with a sprinkle of Montreal steak seasoning and crumbled blue cheese. The beef goes on my plate. You get more Pedigree. Yum, yum.


  1. We only get it then because the collige kids over. :(

    Our air conditioning doesn't work.

  2. Every time I read one of the titles to your blog, I think "What does that mean!?" I'm really not sure some of those words are even supposed to see each other and nod solemnly in passing let alone be placed in a blog title together.

  3. Hm... How cruel and unusual.

    The same beverage rules apply at our household too. Milk for all!!