The Wheel Fell Off the Car. Sort Of.

Right now, my life is consumed by my computer woes, which I’m sure everyone is tired of hearing about. So I’ve reimagined yesterday's conversation with tech support—imagine my laptop is a car.

Photo by Saibo, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

My phone rings. I pick it up.

Mechanic (in an excited voice): Mrs. Keller, we finally figured out what’s wrong with your car!

Me: Great. What is it?

Mechanic: Your car needs a new tire!

Me: Uh, that’s what you said the last time—and I bought a new tire. And, honestly, since the wheel has actually fallen off the car, I don’t think the tire was the problem is the first place.

Mechanic: Are you sure the new tire works? Maybe the rubber is defective.

Me: You had me test the rubber twice already. And I’ve done a tread count.

Mechanic: Oh.  (Silence follows.) You know what it is? It’s the lug nuts.

Me: We replaced the lug nuts too.

Mechanic: Right. Okay, so here’s what it really is…the transmission.

Me (wondering if unbeknownst to me I’ve become part of a Monty Python skit): What?!

Mechanic: Those transmissions are sneaky things. They are part of the engine, and it’s the engine that turns the axle that turns the tire. So I think it’s the transmission.

Me: It’s NOT the transmission—the wheel has fallen off the axle!

Mechanic: I’m not sure the wheel has actually fallen off the axle—it’s more like lying near the axle.

Me (sputtering in disbelief)

Mechanic: We’ve already looked at your wheel twice. I suppose (insert heavy, condescending sigh) I could look at it a third time.

Me: Yeah, maybe you should look at it again.

So now I’m trying to decide whether to contact the Better Business Bureau, or let my husband talk to the mechanic.