Right now, my life is consumed by my computer woes, which I’m sure everyone is tired of hearing about. So I’ve reimagined yesterday's conversation with tech support—imagine my laptop is a car.
|Photo by Saibo, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.|
My phone rings. I pick it up.
Mechanic (in an excited voice): Mrs. Keller, we finally figured out what’s wrong with your car!
Me: Great. What is it?
Mechanic: Your car needs a new tire!
Me: Uh, that’s what you said the last time—and I bought a new tire. And, honestly, since the wheel has actually fallen off the car, I don’t think the tire was the problem is the first place.
Mechanic: Are you sure the new tire works? Maybe the rubber is defective.
Me: You had me test the rubber twice already. And I’ve done a tread count.
Mechanic: Oh. (Silence follows.) You know what it is? It’s the lug nuts.
Me: We replaced the lug nuts too.
Mechanic: Right. Okay, so here’s what it really is…the transmission.
Me (wondering if unbeknownst to me I’ve become part of a Monty Python skit): What?!
Mechanic: Those transmissions are sneaky things. They are part of the engine, and it’s the engine that turns the axle that turns the tire. So I think it’s the transmission.
Me: It’s NOT the transmission—the wheel has fallen off the axle!
Mechanic: I’m not sure the wheel has actually fallen off the axle—it’s more like lying near the axle.
Me (sputtering in disbelief)
Mechanic: We’ve already looked at your wheel twice. I suppose (insert heavy, condescending sigh) I could look at it a third time.
Me: Yeah, maybe you should look at it again.
So now I’m trying to decide whether to contact the Better Business Bureau, or let my husband talk to the mechanic.