I'm Not Sick. Really, I’m Not.

After you’ve been sick for a couple of days (actually, by the time you read this it will be five days = 120 hours = 7200 minutes), there’s nothing more provoking than taking your temperature and discovering that you still have a fever. Okay, my head hurts, my nose runs, and I cough up nasty stuff (sorry, too much information), but I feel like I’ve done the sick thing. I want to get up, do the dishes, cook meals, and fold laundry. Yes, my family is doing these things, but, well, I do it better and more efficiently. Hmm. I’m probably missing a lesson that I’m supposed to learn.

And I’m sooo tired of Netflix. I’ve watched an entire miniseries, a documentary on the world of modeling (very creepy—some of those “women” are 12!!), and some detective tv shows (the plots become extremely redundant). I’m entertained out of my mind and bored silly. Normally, I read or write when I’m sick, but my eyes were too bleary. So I had an entertainment overdose. (Sadly, for some reason, I can’t sleep when I’m sick.)

I have amazing respect for those who struggle with chronic diseases or disabilities. Especially the ones I know who bear up without complaint. There appears to be a lesson for me to learn there too. Hmm. I think this rant means that I haven’t learned that lesson yet either.

In the meantime, I’ve decided that the thermometer must be wrong. Yeah, okay, on Saturday I asked Cal to buy a new thermometer because I decided that all our new-fangled battery-operated ones had to be defective. He brought home one of the old-fashion glass kind. But it’s still not telling me what I want. I’m sure it’s the thermometer’s fault. It’s difficult to come up with a reason why it’s “broken” since I can’t blame it on batteries or electrical components. However, I’m a writer so it’s my job to be creative.  Here are my top five reasons why I really don’t have a fever.

1. My normal body temperature is abnormally high.  So it’s not really a fever.

2. The thermometer doesn’t measure in Fahrenheit. (Downside to this—the only other heat measuring units I’m aware of are Kelvin and Celsius. Neither of which help. I could make one up...)

3. The numbers painted on the side of the thermometer are wrong.

4. I have a fast metabolism so holding the thermometer in my mouth for three minutes gives too high a reading. Thirty seconds should be more accurate.

5. *Imagine me stomping my foot and channeling my inner two-year old* “It’s wrong because I’m tired of being sick.”