Monday, March 21, 2011

How to Train Your Dragon, er, Lab

Every day early in the morning, I make a pot of dark roasted coffee in my French press while Calvin takes our dog Jezebel (a black Lab) for a walk and training. I never thought much about the training until Saturday.

Saturday evening a dog, a foreign dog, wandered into our yard. This causes a deep emotional crisis for Jezebel. Some no account uncontrolled animal has crossed into her territory.  At this point, frenzied barking commenced. Normally, I would tell her, “Be quiet.” She would bark a few quick barks and then moan in frustration.

But instead, I glanced outside as saw that the foreign beast was raising a hind leg. This is a heinous evil to me. At the front of my yard I have a beautiful hedge of red knock-out roses that bloom all spring, summer, and fall.  The neighbors from all around come to tell how lovely the roses are or to take photos of them. The elderly in the complex across the street thank me for brightening their day with my roses. Now imagine my ire at was unfolding before me. This dog planned to pee on my roses and maybe kill one of the bushes. I already have one bush that I have to transplant because some irresponsible pet owner failed to control his/her dog.

I yelled imprecations at the dog. I was ignored. Calvin opened the door and said, “Jez, go.” Jezebel shot out the door like (I know this is a cliché, but it’s exactly what she looks like) she shot out the door like a bat out of hell. And she took off after evil dog.

Evil dog takes off down the street with Jez on his tail. First, I’m worried that Jez will hurt him. She didn’t. She just stayed right on his heiny. Then, I panicked. At the end of our street is a very busy thoroughfare. I envisioned Jez getting hit by a car. I said, “Cal, she’s going to get hit.” Cal said, “No, she won’t.” Then he yelled, “Jez, come.”  Jez stopped on a dime, ran back home and sat at Cal’s feet.

I had no words.  Our neighbor who was sitting on her porch laughed and laughed, delighting in Jez and watching the fun.

Stupid dog came back. Jez flared her nostils, the hair on her back stood on end, and a nasty rumble started deep in her chest. Stupid dog stepped into the yard. Jez glanced at Cal with begging eyes. Cal said, “Go, Jez.” And again, Jez flew after the dog chasing him down the street until Cal said, “Jez, come.”  And she trotted home, placed herself at Cal’s feet, and Cal said, “Good girl.”

I guess he knows how to train a dog. 


  1. Indeed! Jez is a good dog, it seems, or rather, has a good owner? Both, I guess.

  2. Amazing! My dad had a Doberman that was so well-trained he never needed to leash her. She knew the where "her" property ended (even with no fences) and never ran off.

  3. Yay for Jez! :D Your story reminds me of how my old Yorkie used to zoom out of the house whenever he got the chance - which usually meant we would be darting out after him. Our little dragon wasn't as well trained as yours :D

  4. hahaha so cute. I'm glad she managed to keep your roses safe.


  5. LOL! Alas my little pug has one strange foible, she charges the TV when there are dogs or cats or horses or sheeps, animals of any kind, even animated ;)

  6. Wow!! That's an awesome story!! Good going, Mr. K!!

    ..But you'd never set Jez out on me, would you? ..Would you?! :)