Do you know what I hate about the South? It’s not the heat. Okay, I don’t like the heat. I sort of hate it—but in a I’m-so-much-tougher-than-this sort of way. It’s the heat that makes steel magnolias out of tulip-type women like me.
The thing I really hate is the mosquitoes. I know I’ve had numerous mosquito related posts, but finding a mosquito flying in the house in mid-November has got to be a sign of the apocalypse. Seriously. What else could it be but the Eleventh Plague?
If you think of mosquitoes as irritating insects, I guess you don’t understand the horror of it all. But remember, mosquitoes are miniature vampires. The only reason that they don’t make you undead is because they’re too small. But here’s the thing, mosquitoes are changing their DNA. The fact that they’re alive in mid-November is proof of that. And they are changing their tactics—they’re organizing. (I know because I can see the “just wait” in their sneering multi-focal eyes when they bite me.) While a single mosquito can’t make you undead on its own, a swarm is a different animal all together. A swarm could suck you dry on the way to the mailbox, which is when they like to attack me. I’m sure they’re all under our Southern magnolia tree waiting to strike. The mosquito in the house today was just their advance guard. It’s coming...the Eleventh Plague. Beware the mosquito apocalypse. Don’t say that you weren’t warned!