Do you know what I hate about the South? It’s not the heat. Okay, I don’t like the heat. I sort of hate it—but in a I’m-so-much-tougher-than-this sort of way. It’s the heat that makes steel magnolias out of tulip-type women like me.
The thing I really hate is the mosquitoes. I know I’ve had numerous mosquito related posts, but finding a mosquito flying in the house in mid-November has got to be a sign of the apocalypse. Seriously. What else could it be but the Eleventh Plague?
If you think of mosquitoes as irritating insects, I guess you don’t understand the horror of it all. But remember, mosquitoes are miniature vampires. The only reason that they don’t make you undead is because they’re too small. But here’s the thing, mosquitoes are changing their DNA. The fact that they’re alive in mid-November is proof of that. And they are changing their tactics—they’re organizing. (I know because I can see the “just wait” in their sneering multi-focal eyes when they bite me.) While a single mosquito can’t make you undead on its own, a swarm is a different animal all together. A swarm could suck you dry on the way to the mailbox, which is when they like to attack me. I’m sure they’re all under our Southern magnolia tree waiting to strike. The mosquito in the house today was just their advance guard. It’s coming...the Eleventh Plague. Beware the mosquito apocalypse. Don’t say that you weren’t warned!
By the end of your post girl you had me laughing even though I hate them too. Acutally I haven't seen one in quite a while which is a blessing. I would think that after the few frosts we have had there should not be any more until it gets real warm again, if then. Until the cold gets them in your neck of the woods be sure to cover up when going to the mail box.
ReplyDeleteOdie
LOL!! Apocalyptic mosquito horde! The bloodsuckers are definitely from the Pit.
ReplyDeleteFunny stuff (but then, I'm not the one getting sucked dry :) ).
Yes, God has apparently put deep, dark emnity between the offspring of humans and the spawns of the Mosquito....ugh
ReplyDeletehaha, I love how you correlate the heat making us wilting flowers into steel magnolias. So, very, very true.
ReplyDeleteMosquitos are the bane of my existence too. And this year there seems to be a plague of granddaddy log legs. Sheesh, they're all over the place this year. Ugh!
It's awesome to have fellow Southern gal bloggers!!
Krista-
ReplyDeleteThanks! I'm fairly new to the South (little over four years), but I'm becoming Southern magnolia very quickly. And I love Chattanooga.
Why is it so many conspiracies originate on this blog?
ReplyDeleteI guess we aren't quite "steel-y" enough to ward off mosquito attacks yet, eh? We magnolias will have to keep training. ;)
ReplyDeleteI haven't seen a mosquito for about a month now.
ReplyDeleteLuke-
ReplyDeleteThat's because they almost never bit you! They're too busy biting me.
Wouldn't the plague of the gnats have included mosquitoes?
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