Cro-Magnon Dude

Luke bought a Dell computer around Christmas time. You’d think that it should function properly for six months. But you’d be wrong. So, Luke spent time on the phone with tech support (please notice that it was not me or my computer—though there is a rumor going around that the reason Luke’s computer developed “hardware/software failure” is because I spent 16 hours on his computer. But I’m sure that’s a coincidence.) Anyway, back to the story. The on-line tech person decided Luke had serious computer issues that were actually under warranty and they’d send a tech guru to fix it.

The tech guru called me. “Uh, (unintelligible jabbering) computer (more unintelligible jabbering).”

Me: So, you’re going to come and fix the computer?

Guru: Uh, yeah. Three o’clock.

Me: You’re going to be here at three o’clock?

Guru: Yeah.

Me: Great.

Three o’clock comes and goes.

Three thirty comes and goes.

Four o’clock comes and goes.

Four thirty comes, and the phone rings.

Guru: (Slurred speech) Uh-I’m-coming-over-now.

Me: It’s a bit late.

Guru: (grunts) Did I say (grunts again) I was going to be there at three?

Me: Yes, you did.

Guru: Uh, yeah, I was in Alabama.

Me: Oh. (He doesn’t seem to realize this doesn’t solve the problem.)

Guru: I was in Alabama. (Does he think I have a hearing problem?)

Me: Yes. But the problem is that I have to pick up my van from the car repair any time now.

Guru: I’ll be right there. I’ll be fast.

Me: Okay. ( I end up having to give him directions again since he lost the ones I’d given him earlier.)

Half an hour later, the guru shows up. (Curiously, I don't think 30 minutes qualifies as right there.) He’s also frighteningly pierced and really does speak in grunts.

Of course, at this moment the UPS guy comes and drops off massive 100 pound carpets that my parents ordered for their house. And the repair garage calls and says I need to pick up my van.

This calls for quick thinking—there’s no way I’m leaving Ariel, Jake, and Matt at home with the Cro-Magnon dude. Even with Jez. I mean, Jez might bite him, and then she’d catch a disease. So, I left Luke home with them. (I left the truck at the repair place, paid for the van, and drove it home. Luke and I returned for the truck later.)

After a while, pierced guy announced the computer “healed” by a new motherboard, battery, and power converter. Luke showed the guru to the door. Everything went along swimmingly until Luke tried to use his computer. The battery would charge now, which was a good thing, but the computer claimed it had no audio device. And Luke got to spend the evening on tech support again—truly one of the joys of modern life. Okay, not really, but it was a joy for me since I wasn’t on the phone with tech support.