1. When people speak, you see their words in your head and you’re correcting them with your mental red pen.
2. You look at the calendar and freak out. “How come no one told me it was Christmas in less than two weeks?!” (Somehow the ten foot tree in the living room wasn’t a big enough sign.)
3. The house, which was pristine and bleach-fresh at Thanksgiving time, now needs a visit from the Health Inspectors.
4. You now speak in metaphors and similes. So instead of saying, “Dude, clean your room.” You say, “My son, your room looks like a tornado hit Goodwill. It needs to be an island of tranquility. Please, see to it.”
~And worse, after saying it you pause and spend fifteen minutes
trying to improve the metaphors/similes because they suck.
5. You consider writing a letter to the city government explaining the error in the bumper sticker, “This vehicle responds to emergencys.” (I mean, really, don’t these people use spell check?)