Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Squirrel in the Attic

We have a new pet. Okay, not really a “pet” per se. Pets are cute, cuddly, and you actually want them. This creature, who I’ll call Walter (after the uber-bizarre character on Fringe, which I sometimes watch because I love my son though I despise the show.) lives in the attic.

Walter is a squirrel. We know Walter lives up there because we’ve seen his beady eye balls glowing red in the flashlight beams. We would LOVE to get rid of Walter because he’s a danger to our house. Imagine chewing through electrical wire—my hope is the power would short before the cellulose insulation caught fire.

The big problem is we can’t figure out how Walter gets into the attic. We’ve walked the outside of the house looking for gaps. Nothing. The attic vents are secure. (When Cal was in grad school, he worked for a pest control company doing this sort of thing. But Walter is good and sneaky.) So Walter still lives in the attic and presumably gets out to gather food.

One day, we decided to track Walter in the attic. That idea had one great flaw—Walter is nimble as a squirrel and we are not. Other flaws: Our attic is huge so even finding Walter is a chore. Our attic has no lighting so you have to hold a flashlight in your mouth as you grab beams. Our attic has no flooring so would-be squirrel trackers must hop from rafter to rafter, hoping to avoid falling through the ceiling and hitting the wooden flooring after a 12 foot drop. Let’s just say that my college ballet instructor would be pleased at my leaps, balance and pirouettes. And before you get the false impression that I was actually a good squirrel tracker, let me explain that I ended up sitting on a beam while Calvin “danced” around the attic, chasing Walter.

In spite of Cal’s dancing prowess, Walter outsmarted us. And we’ve given up, at least for now. When Cal and I lay in bed at night, we listen to Walter jump around the attic—squirrel partytime. And I feel proud of Walter, which is kind of pathetic. But then I have an odd sense of humor and think that Allstate’s raccoon commercial is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time, especially because it reminds me of Walter.

Here's the raccoon commercial. Enjoy.


  1. That raccoon commercial gave me the heebiejeebies. Actually, that whole line of commercials is pretty effective.

    I hope Walter isn't making a million little Walters to fill up your attic!

  2. So far we haven't seen a Wanda, but if there is...then we'll have little Wallys and Wendys. ugh.

  3. On the bright side, better a squirrel than a rat. A pregnant rat. That's what we had in out attic a few years ago, and it took us a couple months to get rid of them all. Good luck!

  4. You can always try Dale VanDyk's infamous solution.

  5. Good thing Walter's still a bachelor! Hope you catch him soon.

    You should watch Over the Hedge for some interesting footage about backyard wildlife. Bruce Willis is the raccoon.

  6. Susan, Euw! Rats! Walter is much better than rats.

    Carolyn, I've never seen Over the Hedge. I'll have to put it on my Netflix list. Thanks.

  7. The .22 could solve your Walter problem. . .

  8. LOL, I haven't been a fan of this vein of Allstate commercials, but I did like that raccoon one. Made me actually laugh out loud.

    The name seems to fit. Walter is pretty wily (I like Fringe though, even when it's really weird).Well, I hope you manage to lock him out eventually.