Top Ten Lies I Tell Myself About the Heat

It’s really hot. Yesterday, it was 101 degrees F. That’s way too hot for me. If I could choose my weather, it would be 75 year round, with occasional bouts of freezing and snow. After all, when it’s cold, I can put on my silk thermals, wool sweaters and pants. But the heat is harder for me to handle. You can only strip off so much clothing, and even then it’s still hot.

But I don’t want to complain. So I’ve decided to become a true Southern magnolia and embrace the heat. Here’s a list of what I tell myself.

1. I am a plant soaking up the sun, growing strong in its mighty rays.

Myself replies, “Have you looked at your plants? They are sad and shriveling. Whatever strength they get comes from a 75 degree sun, not the burn-your-chloroplasts heat.”

2. Plenty of places get much hotter.

Myself: Yeah and most of them don’t have humidity that steams you al dente.

3. It’s only temporary—the season will pass.

Myself: There are a lot of days between now and October.

4. Thriving in the heat makes me stronger.

Myself: If it doesn’t kill me first.

5. Sweating is healthy.

Myself: Seriously? I feel like a greased pig.

6. Two words: air conditioning.

Myself: Okay, you’ve got me there. Air conditioning is one of the great delights of the modern age. That and the high efficiency washing machine, but that’s another post.

7. In the summer, there is no need to scrape ice off car windows, to shovel snow off sidewalks, and no need to look for that missing glove.

Myself: weeds, weeds, and weeds. They love this weather and multiply like, well, weeds.

8. Amazing thunderstorms.

Myself: tornadoes and power outages lasting five days.

9. Running around in the great outdoors.

Myself: bug bites, poison ivy, and sunburn.

10. Fireworks.

Myself: Okay, fine. They are worth sweat, sunburn, and bug bites.

Have a great Fourth of July, everyone!