Standardized Testing, Better Than Milton

During Matthew’s graduation check (I homeschool Matt, so the overseeing school verifies that we’ve done everything to satisfy state requirements.), the administrator said, “Every student needs a standardized test given during their senior year, so the SAT Matt took in the spring doesn’t count.”

I argued, even though I knew it was futile. Now we’re going to do testing. (I’m a certified tester, so I can give the exams.)

In an effort to have a good attitude so it will rub off on Matt, here’s what’s great about testing week.

1. No regular schoolwork. (Of course, we have to make up the work we’ll miss.)

2. Afternoons off. (Though you don’t usually get to enjoy them because of the post-bubbling-in-stress headache—you know, the one you get when you’re halfway through a section and realize you missed a line and all your answers are in the wrong places.)

3. The phone gets taken off the hook. Okay, Matt doesn’t care about this. But taking the phone off the hook always makes me feel naughty, but in a “good” way. Like I’m “sticking it to the man.” Except, wait, I am “the man.”

4. Buying number two pencils. It makes me feel like I’m in a movie a la “bouquets of sharpened pencils.” But I really don’t like pencils.

5. I can play Plants vs. Zombies while Matt bubbles. Ack. No. I’m not really doing that, Matt. I’m, uh, editing. Or planning your reading schedule for Paradise Lost. See, standardized testing is better than Milton.

Photo by Alex Morphin, courtesy of Wikimedia

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