Monday, September 10, 2012

Beans or Craisins

My husband and I are “at that age.” We both feel young (but aren’t). I have hopes one day of running a marathon. I’ve always wanted to and sort of have—it was a marathon walk to raise money for the March of Dimes and I ran it instead of walking. But it doesn’t really count. And my husband always wanted to do a triathlon, but spinal stenosis put a crimp in that.

So we’re feeling young and healthy—well, except for the stenosis. But there’s one aspect of age we haven’t escaped, one that exercise can’t help. Aging eyes. Both of us need reading glasses. BTW, “reading” glasses is a misnomer. I do need them for reading, but I also need them for everything else. Yesterday my daughter and I were in line together for food at our church potluck. As we were passing through the salad selection, I pointed out a salad to my daughter and asked, “Uh, I don’t have my glasses. Is that a bean salad?” My daughter laughed. “No, Mom, that’s apples and craisins.” Oh, right.

And then there’s the inevitable grocery shopping trips where I peer at labels that I can’t read. Then, I say to my husband, “Hey, you have glasses on. What does this say?” He squints and shrugs. “These are my driving glasses. You know, for distance.” Then I squint at him, “Oh, right.”

I say, “You should wear your bifocals.”
He says, “You should wear your reading glasses.”
Me: “I’ve misplaced them.” (Just so you know, I have five or six pairs scattered through the house.)

I need to get one of those glasses tethers. The kind that librarians wear. Okay, true confessions, I’ve actually bought a couple. The really cute beaded one got caught in my hair and made a rat’s nest and the base of my neck. It had to cut out. The fabric and plastic one I bought broke—I took the tether off the glasses too many times because I didn’t want the librarian look when I went out.

Oh, and by the way, those cute reading glasses, the ones that are hip (if reading glasses can be hip) and come in attractive colors and shapes, they don’t fit me. Women’s reading glasses squish my temples and give me migraines. Apparently, my head is larger than most women’s heads. (Thank you, northern European ancestry.) So I wear the extremely attractive men’s reading glasses with clunky black frames.

Here’s what I’m thinking. I’m going to buy some Dumbledore half-moon reading glasses and create a trend. Reading glasses—the new hip accessory.

So you’d better get your pair now so you can be a trendsetter, just like me. 


  1. Good to know for when I need them. LOL
    I'm nearsighted and have glasses for driving at night and for being able to see better in general (LOL), but I don't wear them.
    (I'm vain)
    But actually, I think my eyes have gotten BETTER, because I don't need them like I did. Weird, huh?

  2. I have worn glasses since I was twelve. Every so often I toy with the idea of contacts, but then I start getting nauseous and my ears start ringing, so I stop thinking about it before I pass out. I used to get frameless glasses, trying to hide as much as possible the fact I was wearing them, but this last pair I bought, I got the really bold, chunky frames. If I'm going to wear glasses, I'm going to WEAR them!

  3. I don't need reading glasses yet (my ophthalmologist is impressed!) but I wear them when at the computer anyway because I get eye strain and my long distance vision gets fuzzy after a day at the computer. Also, it's an awesome disguise. ;P

  4. Yes, start a new trend! Or you know, become a hipster. The thick frames are totally in. ;)

    (And no worries, I need to wear glasses just to SEE. I do have contacts, but I'm usually too lazy to wear them on a daily basis.)

  5. A new trend, love that. I'm nearly to that stage so I'm all for a trend of cool reading glasses!

  6. I shudder at what scholars hundreds of years ago had to go through as they aged, and glasses were not available. All that hard-fought literacy becoming useless in one's declining years.

  7. I feel your pain. I started wearing distance reading glasses when I was 13--blind as a bat. I hated when I hate to shift to monovision contacts, but it was better than bifocals. Plus the reading eye was set for monitor distance and I still needed the glasses for up close things. I learned to keep a set where I'd use them: computer, nightstand, bathroom.

    Two years ago I got lasik. LOVE it! Haven't seen this good since I was really little.

    But, I still have monovision--old eyes are still old eyes.

  8. These are impressive articles. Keep up the sunny handiwork.