I hate elections. Okay, it's not the elections themselves--I relish living in a country where we can elect our representatives. It's all the hoopla beforehand. And it's not even the TV ads. I do despise them, but since we don’t have cable I don’t have to endure political commercials. But that still hasn't saved us from election nonsense.
Instead, we’re getting phone calls. Not the “Please vote for Bob the Candidate” type. These are more insidious. They’re “surveys.” I usually say, “No, thanks.” But they’re very insistent this year. So I thought, “Fine, I’ll answer.” And then I remembered why I hate surveys.
Survey person: Would you call yourself A, B, or C?
Survey person: A, B, or C are your choices.
Me (shrugs): Sorry.
Survey person (clearly irritated by my last answer): How do you like Candidate X’s tv commercials?
Me: I don’t have access to regular TV broadcasts.
SP (sounding incredulous): You don’t watch TV?!?
Me: No. (I don’t have anything against TV. I’m just not willing to spend the money for cable when I can stream what I want to see.)
SP: Would you vote for Candidate Q? (An obscure candidate for a local elected position.)
Me: I don’t know. I’ve never heard of Candidate Q. I’d have to know what he stands for.
SP (offended): Right. (Clearly, Candidate Q’s campaign is sponsoring the survey.)
SP: Do you identify with the bad guys or the really bad guys?
Me (remembering that “neither” is not an acceptable answer): I guess the bad guys. (Why are there no “good guys?”)
SP (after more questions where my answers are not on the “approved responses list”): Thank you for participating in this survey. (I can tell she means “drop dead” you annoying person who doesn’t properly participate in the accepted social/political game.)
Me: Could you all please not call us again. This is the third time in the last 24 hrs. And we’re already answered your questions once before.
SP: It wasn’t us.
Me: Uh, it was all the same questions.
SP: Someone else must be running a survey.
SP: Hangs up.
I can’t wait for December.