Friday, January 28, 2011

A Cast Iron Weapon

Maybe it’s the writer in me. More likely it’s the pessimist. But the truth is that I actually consider the question, If someone broke into our home and I was in Room X, what would I use as a weapon?

So assuming I’m not plotting a book or short story, why would I do this? For years, I just figured it was a matter of time. When I was young, my mom and I were home alone one evening. We heard the sound of helicopter. Then, lights shone in our windows. Then, we heard the sound of someone walking on our roof. At this point, we hid under the bed. Then, we heard the sound of someone trying to rattle the bedroom window open. (This was in the pre-cellphone, pre-911 days.) Eventually, the police caught the guy, and he never got into our house. Close call. Add to that a stalker in college. Someone trying to break into our house twice after Cal and I were married. (It’s not a good thing when someone tries to break into the house when it’s clear people are home.) Needless to say, we have a big black Lab. Yeah, I know I should consider a gun, especially here in the South where everyone packs. But I can’t quite get there. Yet.

But I do ponder available weapons in our home. Of course, this is assuming Cal isn’t home and Jezebel our Lab is incapacitated (or someone’s handed her a carrot—her one true weakness). Here is my mental list of weapons:

If I were anywhere near Luke’s room, I could grab his double-bladed sword or one of his fencing foils. Foils are nasty. Just like metal whips. And nice and long so you don’t have to get too close to the bad guy.

In our bedroom, we have some very heavy lamps.

In my writing area, I could always use my laptop and quip that the pen is mightier than the sword. But I don’t think that would work...not too many bad guys have degrees in English or even read. Thankfully, my writing desk is near the kitchen. But the kitchen has always been a tough spot. I mean how often do I have a pot of boiling oil sitting around? Not too often. And it’s not like I could whop someone with my Kitchen Aid mixer. But then, Ariel took me to go see Tangled. If you haven’t seen it, you should. It’s fun—Disney the way it used to be with a modern twist. And it gave me my ultimate kitchen weapon...the cast iron skillet. Yep, you can do some serious damage with cast iron.


  1. You have a fencer in the family?!

    Awesome! I'm a foilist too!

    And yes... if correctly applied, foils can do a lot of damage.


    Anyway... Before I really freak people out. :-)

  2. Misha,

    My son Luke does foil, epee, and saber. (He likes foil best.) He also teaches and runs a fencing school for elementary and high school students.

    Our other boys fence too. One of these days I want to learn too. It looks like great fun.

  3. The major hangup would be if they had a gun. Hopefully you will never be put in that position.

  4. "Heh heh. Looks like you just brought a pen to a gunfight."

  5. I've long suspected cast iron was dangerous. ;)

  6. You should try and knock out the intruding criminal with a well placed spoon or fork to the head. They'd drop like a rock.

    All the same, those swords would probably be your best bet.

  7. Those are some scary experiences. I've thankfully not had those, but I still get pretty paranoid about stuff like this. Maybe I watch too many crime dramas.

    So cool that your son does that! I've always wanted to learn to fence!

    As for weapons, we randomly have a baseball bat though no one in my family plays baseball. That aside, I did receive a sword one year as a gift... ALSO projectile weapons - heels with hidden platforms!

    Saw Tangled and LOVED it. You summarized it perfectly: old school Disney with a modern twist. :)

  8. I have more weapons than that. A razor-sharp knife, a less-sharp utility knife, an aluminum baseball bat, a wooden baseball bat, a fencing trophy you could kill an ox with, a replica sabre, a bunch of foils, a halberd, an airsoft gun, two foil bodycords (for strangulation), a bunch of chemistry textbooks you could kill a mammoth with, darts, etc etc etc. I could probably come up with some other things to, but I think this will suffice.

  9. I sleep with a slingshot in my bed. It actually has come in handy. Of wasn't a real invader...just Josh in his pjs looking for a book at midnight. Oh well.

  10. Oh, this is funny! Tangled was great (the horse was my favorite part, I forgot about the pan!)

    You could turn this into a humorous short story, you know :)

    I haven't visited y our blog in ages. Will have to make a point to come back more often!