Maybe it’s the writer in me. More likely it’s the pessimist. But the truth is that I actually consider the question, If someone broke into our home and I was in Room X, what would I use as a weapon?
So assuming I’m not plotting a book or short story, why would I do this? For years, I just figured it was a matter of time. When I was young, my mom and I were home alone one evening. We heard the sound of helicopter. Then, lights shone in our windows. Then, we heard the sound of someone walking on our roof. At this point, we hid under the bed. Then, we heard the sound of someone trying to rattle the bedroom window open. (This was in the pre-cellphone, pre-911 days.) Eventually, the police caught the guy, and he never got into our house. Close call. Add to that a stalker in college. Someone trying to break into our house twice after Cal and I were married. (It’s not a good thing when someone tries to break into the house when it’s clear people are home.) Needless to say, we have a big black Lab. Yeah, I know I should consider a gun, especially here in the South where everyone packs. But I can’t quite get there. Yet.
But I do ponder available weapons in our home. Of course, this is assuming Cal isn’t home and Jezebel our Lab is incapacitated (or someone’s handed her a carrot—her one true weakness). Here is my mental list of weapons:
If I were anywhere near Luke’s room, I could grab his double-bladed sword or one of his fencing foils. Foils are nasty. Just like metal whips. And nice and long so you don’t have to get too close to the bad guy.
In our bedroom, we have some very heavy lamps.
In my writing area, I could always use my laptop and quip that the pen is mightier than the sword. But I don’t think that would work...not too many bad guys have degrees in English or even read. Thankfully, my writing desk is near the kitchen. But the kitchen has always been a tough spot. I mean how often do I have a pot of boiling oil sitting around? Not too often. And it’s not like I could whop someone with my Kitchen Aid mixer. But then, Ariel took me to go see Tangled. If you haven’t seen it, you should. It’s fun—Disney the way it used to be with a modern twist. And it gave me my ultimate kitchen weapon...the cast iron skillet. Yep, you can do some serious damage with cast iron.