Monday, November 2, 2009

Shalt and Shalt Not

Keller-i-vitical Laws

After reading the Levitical laws, it seemed to me that perhaps I could add a few. (Okay, don’t send me theological rebukes. After all, this is tongue-in-cheek, sort of.)

1. Thou shalt not place thy feet upon the table for this is a horror to thy mother and sister.

2. Thou shalt keepeth thy room tidy for a messy room is a grievous offense to thy mother.

3. Thou shalt not burp at a meal for thou liveth not in China, and if thou doest it, thy mother shall make thee eat Brussels sprouts for thy next meal.

4. Thou shalt thank thy mother for each meal she maketh even if she includeth onions in the comestibles. Ingratitude is an evil thou shalt renounce.

5. If thou willt not be assigned extra chores, thou shalt do thy chores without nagging.

6. Thou shalt not scream like a banshee unless an evil burglar breaketh into thy house for thy mother getteth migraines.

7. Thou shalt clean thy hamster’s cage every Saturday for thy hamster stinketh and is a transgression to thy mother’s nose.

8. Thou shalt practice thy piano properly for thy parents payeth for thy lessons and a pox befalleth those children who would not practice.

9. Thou shalt not leave thy dirty underwear and clothing upon the floor. This is a abomination to thy mother.

10. Thou shalt offer to help with thy mother’s chores for thy mother loveth cheerful helpers and will shareth the good chocolate with them that are servant-y.


  1. Once, when Heather and Alexie were small, Heather rebuked Alexie saying, "Lexie! You know the Bible! Thou shalt not jump on the bed!"

  2. Yeah, right, like you ever share the good chocolate with anybody besides Dad...

  3. I've actually kept some of these commandments!

  4. uh-huh, sure you have, Luke...

    The hamster one is the best! transgression is a good word:)

    grace Duke