Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Newtonian Physics

According to Newton, and I believe him, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” My intellectual mind knows this, but my practical, day-to-day mind forgets.

The other day I was making a massive pot of “creamy black bean soup.” Some for us, and some for a family in the church that just had a baby. Everything was going swimmingly. The onions and garlic were browned in olive oil, the chicken broth had been added, and the corn, the chilis, tomatoes, spices, etc. But, I still needed to add the beans. The first two cans were opened, and their contents were added to the simmering pot. The third can proved more stubborn. The pull-top that was supposed to open the can pulled off. Without even breaking the seal.

At this point, a mind that was functioning on an intellectual plain would remember Newton’s first law. But, that was not my brain. Instead, I grabbed a wooden spoon and pounded on the can with the end of the handle. Nothing happened. I pounded more. Still nothing happened. The can didn’t even appear dented.

Clearly, all that was needed was harder pounding. So, I pounded hard. The handle of the spoon forced its way into the can along with a good portion of the lid. And since the contents of the can decided to obey Newton’s First Law, I was covered with seasoned black beans. Bean juice was in my eyes, ears, nose, and mouth (it actually tasted quite good). Bean juice soaked my clothes and I shivered. Beans and juice covered the floor—the dog pushed me out of the way so she could eat it before I could find a sponge.

For the second time this month, I’ve gotten a food facial. My skin better start looking really good. Either that or I need to figure out how to get the smart part of my brain to talk to the dumb part.


  1. ... Gee, how early in the morning was this...?

    Hmmm... Maybe I should also get some Food Facial Treatment. I hear mayonaise does wonders for your skin. Maybe I should start hitting mayonaise containers soon.

  2. Mayonaise? Blech!!
    I'm sure Jezebel was very eager to get at the beans.

  3. oh, yeah, but at least it was not lemon juice. That stuff burns!

    Grace Duke