In the spirit of full disclosure, these are not things I’ve said aloud to other people. Except my family. Hmm. Maybe that’s why all my kids have gone into math and science.
One. “I can’t decide whether to use the word said or told.” Nuances of meaning eat hours of time.
Two. “Why won’t my character tell me the truth?” Yes, I know the characters exist only in my mind. I create them. But that doesn’t mean I know them. It takes a while to get to know them. And just like real people, characters lie. Even to their authors. (And in case you’re wondering, I’ve never used perception-altering substances. I was born this way. Wait…that sounds worse.)
Three. “Uh, the NSA doesn’t really monitor our Google searches, right?” I actually know they don’t, because if they did…I’d be arrested. I mean seriously, I’ve Googled everything from medieval poisons to how to make a murder look like an accident to schematics for a dumbwaiter. (Okay, the dumbwaiter thing isn’t too threatening, but I could be planting a bomb on a dumbwaiter.)
Four. Speaking of arrests, another writer once said to me, “You know, if we got arrested and went to prison, we’d have lots of time to write.” (I admit that thought has crossed my mind too.) I pointed out that one isn’t arrested for jaywalking, our most probable crime, and she agreed that it wasn’t likely we’d get sent to prison—unless the NSA really does monitor Google searches. In the meantime, I’ll keep juggling writing, housework, regular work, cooking, ironing, etc.
Five. “I wish I’d been shot in the thigh.” When one of my characters had been shot, I was finding it hard to describe the sensation of a bullet puncturing the skin/muscle and Google had only so much to offer, so I was wishing for personal experience. Of course, the moment I wished this, I realized that had I been shot I’d be in shock and probably wouldn’t remember anything. Sigh.
|Since finding this image (courtesy of Wikimedia), I don't think #4 will ever cross my mind again,|
especially since I really like writing while lounging on my couch.