Pit of Despair, Part Two

(If you have not read the Pit of Despair, please read that first)

“Microsoft” called me. At least, that’s what I called the guy who called because I don’t think he gave me his name. At any rate, “Mike” gave me the whole I’m-sorry-there’s-a-problem-with-your-system speech, which is the equivalent of We’re-here-to-serve-you-please-don’t-buy-an-Apple.

Mike told me, “With your permission, I will take remote control of your computer and diagnose and fix the problem myself.” To a confirmed Luddite like myself, this was like promising dark chocolate with no calories. Yes, please! Of course, like the fantasy of guilt-free cocoa indulgence, this was a lie.

He told the computer, “I will take charge now.” The computer told Mike, “Over my dead body! I will just refuse to download and install all the files, you imperialist swine.”

That left Mike with me. We started our dialogue. First, he took me to the programming structure, basically the bloated intestines that tells the program how to behave. We checked and changed many things. Mike was really happy and told me everything should be hunky-dorky now. Except that when I tried to run the program, it still went into a loop and the spinning circle of light spun and spun. (For those of you who don’t know, Microsoft replaced the turning hourglass with a circle of spinning light in Vista.)

We did lots of checking and downloading (though the irritated computer refused to accept almost every file Mike sent), still the spinning circle appeared whenever we tried to run the program. And though it didn’t physically change, the spinning circle of light morphed into the Buddhist circle of infinite suffering. About this time, I asked to speak to a supervisor. Mike said I didn’t need to speak to a supervisor.

After an hour and forty minutes, Mike thought I might need a supervisor (Duh!) But, of course, one wasn’t available and supervisors can’t make outgoing phone calls (apparently, they have no hands on their wrists). Mike talked to someone and wanted to try some razzamatazz, which didn’t work. Now, he thinks it’s a “Veesta” issue. Of course, since Mike’s company makes Vista, you’d think they could take care of that. But, apparently not.

I hate computers with a consuming passion!