Pomeranian Devil

(Here's a picture of Jezebel keeping watch for the Pomeranian Devil.)

Dogs are supposed to bark. That’s kind of why you get one. They are supposed to bark at burglars, so that the bad guys rob your neighbor’s house instead of yours. And our dog does that. Everyone one who walks down our street warrants a bark or a growl. Which one you get is dependant on how close you are to our property. The closer you are, the nastier the bark. But, here’s the odd thing. Jezebel saves her nastiest barks, her I-am-from-the-pit-and-I-thrive-on-living-flesh barks for the little Pomeranian dog that lives across the street. Now for those of you who don’t know what a Pomeranian is…it’s a dog that weighs about 3 to 4 pounds, and that’s after it’s just eaten. Its coat is, well, foofy. Lots of hair sticking up everywhere, so that it looks like a fluff ball floating across the pavement.

Now I ask myself, “Why does this lint ball unhinge Jezebel’s mind?” Clearly, it isn’t a threat to her, our property, or the children. Then, I figured it out. Keep in mind that Jezebel is the perfect specimen of “dogness”—the Platonic ideal come to life. Yes, yes, I know that the ideal only exists in the mind, but you get what I’m saying. Now, Jezebel understands that she is what God had in mind when he created dogs, so when she sees this Pomeranian, she knows that that “thing” cannot be a dog. And it doesn’t appear to be a cat—cats are relatively smart, and this “thing” is clearly stupid. Jez also knows that this animal can’t be a rat—it’s too foofy. Rats are sleek and fast. So, there’s only one thing left, yes, this is a beast from the pit who’s come to take advantage of poor, ignorant humans, especially old ladies. And, Jezebel is distressed to see it—she must warn the world. But, sadly, no one is listening…